This morning, I opened the paper and learned that Gena Rowlands, who portrayed Allie in The Notebook, passed away at the age of 94. Gena, like her character, battled Alzheimer’s for five years. Reading this brought me back to the first time I saw that poignant film, a story of enduring love through the ravages of dementia. Can love endure through Alzheimer's?
Back in 2009, I was already familiar with Alzheimer’s as my father-in-law was living with the disease. I remember the tears that flowed while watching the movie, touched by the challenges of lost memories and the unwavering love between Allie and Noah. They navigated the turmoil with tenderness—by reading their story, playing her favorite music, dancing, and always holding on to each other. These are some of the same practices I share in my book, blogs, and lectures. Yet, at the time, I never imagined that my own love with Joe would face the same trials.
Caring for someone you love through Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia is one of life’s most profound experiences. The diagnosis can feel like a thief, slowly stealing away the memories and the person you once knew. But caregiving is an act of fierce love. It requires incredible strength, patience, and a deep well of compassion.
At first, it’s small things—helping with remembering appointments or taking over the bills. Then, slowly, it becomes more. You may find yourself comforting them through moments of confusion, soothing them when they are scared, or calming them during unexpected bouts of anger or frustration. The hardest part is watching someone you love fade in and out of themselves, trying to hold onto moments of clarity, all while desperately wishing that you could ease their pain.
And yet, despite the hardship, caregiving offers moments of beauty and connection. There are days when you’ll see a flash of recognition in their eyes or hear a familiar laugh. You learn to savor these small victories—a successful meal together, a smile shared during a favorite song, the simple comfort of holding their hand. Each moment is a reminder that love remains, even when memories do not.
Caregiving also involves endless acts of devotion: cooking meals they love, reading them their favorite books, playing music that once brought them joy, or even just sitting in silence together when words fail. There are practical tasks, too—bathing, dressing, managing medications. But each of these actions is infused with love. It's about showing up, day after day, no matter how tired, overwhelmed, or heartbroken you may feel.
There is a tenderness in this kind of care that goes beyond words. It’s in the way you carefully help them button their shirt or how you stroke their hair to calm their anxiety. It’s found in moments of laughter when you least expect it, in the warm embrace that says, “I’m here,” even when they can no longer say your name. These moments are what sustain you, grounding you in the love that remains despite the loss.
Writing about dementia has been a therapeutic journey for me. I often reflect on what worked and what didn’t. It’s been eight years since Joe passed, and not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. Caring for someone you love as they traverse the perils of dementia is just as heart-wrenching as The Notebook depicts. But it’s that enduring love that makes it worthwhile and meaningful.
Caregiving for a loved one with dementia is a calling we don’t seek, but when it arrives at our door, we don’t stop loving—we embrace it even more. We read to them, dance with them, cook their favorite meals, hold them close, kiss them, and help with the most intimate tasks like bathing and cleaning up after accidents. Love does not die with the disease. Love endures.
Rest in peace, dear Gena. You not only acted it but lived it. Thank you for showing us the power of love through the ravages of dementia.
Action Item: Find Moments of Connection
This week, if you’re caring for a loved one with dementia, try to create a small moment of connection. It could be playing their favorite song, reading to them, or simply holding their hand during a quiet moment. Focus on being present in that moment—sometimes, it’s these small gestures that carry the most love and meaning. Then, reflect on how that moment made you feel and the impact it had on your loved one. Share your experience in a journal, with a friend, or even in the comments below. Let’s remind each other that love, in all its forms, still shines through the fog of dementia. Visit our website for more resources, tips, and support to help you navigate the challenges of dementia caregiving. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those affected by this condition.
Barbara J. Huelat
Healthcare Design Specialist & Author
Championing compassionate care and innovative solutions for dementia.
Like my blogs? please like! Like my book, please add a review!
Barbara Huelat, a dynamic force in healthcare design, author, and speaker, shares her expertise in her latest publication, 'Taming the Chaos of Dementia.' With her profound understanding and passion for the subject, she offers practical wisdom on navigating dementia care with empathy and skill, transforming this complex challenge into an empowering journey. Explore Barbara's insights at barbarahuelat.com or call 703-795-1743 for an enriching experience.
Comments